Working out Working Out

It takes a certain amount of confidence to exercise in front of other people – or even outside, for that matter, if there is the chance that a passing driver might catch a glimpse of you huffing and puffing along.  It’s as if there is a fitness minimum that an exerciser needs to attain before their efforts stop being an unsightly embarrassment.  I remember my first foray into structured exercise was a couple of years ago when I signed up for a Parks and Rec class called “Body Blast.” I was skeptical about having my body blasted, but a friend wanted company, so I agreed to give it a whirl – and I’ll tell you, I hated every humiliating minute of it.  It felt like the instructor spent the whole session making an example out of my poor form as I feebly attempted coordinated limb movements (this may not be true, but it is how it felt).  Later in the class, the instructor paired me with an experienced student to do some resistance training with a giant rubber band.  The idea was to use the strength of your partner to create tension in the band, which I sorta understood – but I didn’t expect the person to pull quite so hard – long story short, the only blasting to occur that morning was the propulsion of the band snapping into my partner’s face.   I never went back.

So for those fitness neophytes that feel ready to take a first wobbly, Bambi-like step toward a healthier tomorrow, I have the greatest sympathy and a couple of suggestions:  The first is to do your jogging after dark when no one can see you (warning: this is incredibly dangerous).   The other is to come to the library and borrow some fitness DVDs.   The DVDs are a great option because you can sweat and contort in the privacy of your own climate controlled environs, plus you get the added strength-building benefits found in moving your coffee table back and forth.  And while I’m handing out suggestions, I have two things to keep in mind about the fitness DVDs:

1) It is important to pick a DVD that has someone famous on the cover, preferably a fitness celebrity.  The others have a much lower production value and the workout actually feels like it was fished out of a bargain bin. 

2)  Don’t forget to carefully read the DVD case to find out what equipment the workout will require.  While some require no equipment, others expect you to have handy all manner of home gym accoutrements.  You wouldn’t want to be caught off guard when your fitness celebrity magically manifests a crucial device and you are left scrambling to improvise a dumbbell with a can of chunky beef stew or a stair-step with a cardboard box full of old phone books.

Other than that, just have fun with it – it’s almost like watching T.V.

Ransom - Reference

A Somewhat Draining Read

 
Dark Banquet: Blood and the Curious Lives of Blood-Feeding Creatures 
by Bill Schutt
 
I now have way more disgusting anecdotes to share with the world about vampire bats, leeches, bedbugs, and anything else that could suck your blood. Consider: a battalion in Napoleon's army washed their faces in a river, inadvertently getting leech eggs lodged in their noses and throats, and ended up dying a gruesome and painful death when the lil baby leeches came alive inside of them! So, I appreciate this aspect of Dark Banquet.

I got a little bored, though, when Schutt went off on long tangents about the cellular makeup of our blood and all the little vampire enzymes blah blah blah. I admire Schutt for trying to mix popular and academic genres, but for me it seemed a little confused ~ was I his real audience, or was a first year Bat Biologist supposed to be his audience? I would have preferred more narrative, or perhaps even more jazzed-up explanations of what is going on biologically when a bed bug feasts on your blood (a la one of my all-time-fav NPR shows, Radio Lab).

He's a great writer, though, and I enjoyed the chance to ponder things like evolutionary advantages and the like that I don't necessarily get to think about every day. And I will cherish all the gross anecdotes forEVER.

Rachel - Programs

I'd Pass

On those nights when there is nothing to do, no one is returning your calls, and even the dog acts like she is doing you a favor by hanging out – it’s easy to start feeling a little down.  Maybe the feelings of isolation get you so bummed out that it’s all you can do to keep from polishing off a bottle of cheap cabernet and sending regrettable text messages to an ex (or something along those lines).  Well, when the blues set in, a constructive way to turn that frown upside-down would probably be to get a little exercise or do some volunteer work– but what I like to do instead, is ingest copious amounts of refined sugar and pop in a funny movie.  I tried my patented pick-me-up recently with the movie Hall Pass.  I almost immediately regretted not going the cheap-wine-and-embarrassing-text-message route.

There’s really no need to mince words about it – Hall Pass is a dud.  If I were able to get a friend on the phone, I’d describe the movie like this: (sigh) One of the Wilson brothers, the one with the broken nose, is married to Pam from The Office – and their marriage is a little rocky because she is dull and he is a libidinous man-child.   So to give him a chance to shake off some of his residual adolescence, she grants him a week off of marriage (is that what hall passes do?) and then the hilarity never ensues. 

It’s beyond me why they bothered hiring a comedic actress to play such a bore when there is perfectly tepid dishwater that could use the work.  Maybe it’s been decided that dude-centric inanity is only funny when mommy is around to disapprove.  But to be fair, the movie was really more of a buddy comedy than a marriage comedy (the BFF is played by SNL’s Jason Sudekis - who also, inexplicably, is granted a “Hall Pass”).  The film has a workable premise – watching grown men try to tomcat around a posh, suburban enclave, when clearly they have long been domesticated – but it comes off as a wannabe Old School.

There were some rosy elements to be appreciated in this stinker, foremost the soundtrack – which included the gravelly vocal stylings of one of my favorite bands, Deer Tick.  If you are unfamiliar with Deer Tick, they’re this great band out of Providence, RI (also the setting for the film) who last visited Lawrence in March.  When I saw them, the lead singer John McCauley was a huge mess – which actually kinda works for his bluesy-alt-country sound.  The band has a new album coming out in October, which I’m sure will find its way into the library collection – so that’s something to be excited about.

Come to think of it, if you’re willing to eat a jumbo bag of Twizzlers, everything feels like something to be excited about - except Hall Pass.

Ransom - Reference

Music you might also like:

Middle Brother

Dawes
Delta Spirit

Movies to watch instead:

Cedar Rapids

Bridesmaids

Author Song Dedication: Sylvia Plath

Over on Facebook, we started posting song dedications to our favorite authors. This is a continuation of that series, where we'll have the chance to explain our dedications, and provide access to more information about the artists and authors. If you'd like to submit a song dedication for inclusion on the blog and Facebook, feel free to send it to us using the form located here.

The American poet and novelist, Sylvia Plath, is best known for her two collections of poetry, The Collossus and Other Poems and Ariel. However, The Bell Jar, originally published in 1963 under the pseudonym Victoria Lucas, gave readers a better look into the author's life with a semi-autobiographical account of a girl's feelings of isolation while suffering from a breakdown. By writing the novel, Plath said that she had intended to free herself from her past, but following a long struggle with depression and a marital separation, she ultimately committed suicide shortly after the publication of the book (Wikipedia).

The song I would choose to dedicate to Sylvia is "That I Would Be Good" from Alanis Morissette's 1998 album, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. After the huge success of Jagged Little Pill and an exhaustive world tour, Alanis struggled with where to go next, and even while recording her sophomore album, she experienced feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. In tears and approaching a breakdown while her house was full of guests, Alanis retreated to her closet and wrote the lyrics to this song, which intimately express those feelings.

Many famous artists have said they've received fan mail telling them they've saved lives through their lyrics. Though it's hard sometimes to fully understand depression, and even express or feel comfortable admitting to such dark emotions and feelings, I think Sylvia would have been able to relate to Alanis's lyrics. She may have even taken comfort in the fact that there was someone out there going through something similar. In sharing her story through poetry and novels, Sylvia also may have provided the world with one more personal story to relate to.

Click here to see other titles by Sylvia Plath available at LPL.

Click here to see other titles by Alanis Morissette available at LPL.

William - Reference

Regrets, I've Had a Few

Regretsy: Where DIY Meets WTF by April Winchell

It's all right there, in the chapter entitled WTF: "Fish in a Squirrel Suit Taxidermy," "Phallic Chapstick Cozy," "Doll Heads in a Bowl of Brussels Sprouts." Or perhaps you'll enjoy "Bertha the Pregnant, Birthing, Nursing Sock Monkey," or the "You Pick Two: Serial Killer Pillows."

Set-off by just the right amount of acerbic text, these images, plunged straight from the deep, dark bowels of Etsy crafting hell, really speak for themselves. If you like the book, make sure you check out the blog at www.regretsy.com, which is still updated regularly and consistently jaw-dropping!

Rachel - Programs

Image: Google Books